I think hypocrisy.
I’m very afraid of hypocrisy. It’s one of the things that scares me the most. I realise there’s so much of it around and, unfortunately, sometimes it’s almost ingrained in our society. Sometimes you have to be hypocritical to get things in life. It’s very sad, but it’s the way things are done.
I remember once I did this exercise about figuring out what my values were, and I remember that I had to list and possibly rank all the things that, in my opinion, were my values. And we never did this counter-exercise about the things that were the most distant from my values!
I think hypocrisy was, like, number one. Top of the list. I don’t want to say I hate hypocritical people, because unfortunately there are so many, and I don’t want to hate so much. Hate is already bad. I hate that I hate things.
But I’m trying to minimise the things and people I hate.
I understand why we sometimes need to be hypocritical, but it makes me so sad and mad, so I really try not to be mad.
You know me. I will disappear if I think you’ve wronged me or if I think we don’t vibe anymore. I will unfollow. I will be a bitch. And then I’ll come back and say I’m sorry, and try to make up for the shit that I’ve done.
But I’ll never be a hypocrite.
And I think this is what makes me, possibly, crazy about this project. I’m really into pure, sincere friendships. Like yes, maybe Didi, I got offended by something you did or said. Or yes, Didi, maybe I acted like a bitch and hurt your feelings.
I unfollowed so many people back in May, and then I felt so bad for unfollowing so many people. But I wasn’t seeing them! I wasn’t talking to them! Why do we have to be connected? We’re not friends if we’re not hanging out. We’re not friends if I’m not reaching out to you. We’re not friends if you’re not asking me how I am.
Regardless of this, now I’m actively following most of them back and saying, sorry, “I did that because I was a bitch.”
I think this is real friendship. When you’re not a hypocrite. When you’re honest. When you’re genuine, even if we’re fighting.
